Iculus3's Xanga

Monday, February 20, 2006

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 05:07:52 GMT

Lately, more and more I find myself wishing for peace on this earth. We as American's now face a challenging future in this world. Not a challenge that we will be militarily defeated but one in which we loose ourselves in vein struggles to spread the gospel of "democracy". True, democracy is good, and we are blessed to have it. But it is untrue that we can simply force it on others. The hippie movement in large part was not at all anti-democracy or anti-communist. It was a pro-human movement. Unfortunately, it was Godless in it's aim and thus was not adoptable by America as a whole. Freedom was abused in that our parents chose to free themselves of all obligation to not just country but to faith. Despite that, the hippie movement served to temper our war with communism. Had it not, nuclear war may well have destroyed our earth. I would never have been born. In the same sense that communism eventually lost out to democracy or some other form, so must the ideals behind terrorism pass. We lost in Vietnam, and I am sad to say that Iraq and Afghanistan seem to have no end in site to their struggles, but fingerpointing must not be our way. I don't believe in walking a way. I think though at this point we must do the will of the Iraqi people as a whole, whatever the consequence. If we choose their form of government for them, than we are in fact ruling them and that is not democracy.

I look at the world, and I see two fragmented worlds. We are not fighting for democracy, instead we are firing shots back at a world which we "modern" peoples see as primitive. The problem with this is, that our moderness or what have you has not made the lives of the not-modern any better and sometimes fails to make our lives any better. We as a country are failing. We stress our rights to this and that as if we were entitled to it all, while children die in Africa by the millions whether it be starvation, war, or disease. This is unacceptable.

I realized today as I drove the toll road home that I throw into each toll what is perhaps half a day's wages in some parts of this world as if it were nothing. WE HAVE NO SENSE OF OUR POWER TO DO GOOD. As christians there can be no excuse not to do better. We truly truly truly need a reality check. It's so hard to imagine that others can even live on so little. The reality of man is that he is selfish by nature. The reality of my faith is that it empowers me to change it for myself. 50 cents is Power. Insane to think that a happy meal is three days wages somewhere. Imagine waiting three days between meals to get a crappy happy meal. It is so hard to be poor, it is so easy to become jelous. Terrorism will not be defeated by arms, but by good ideology. Certainly as human beings we have a right to defend ourselves. But let us practice deterance not war. It worked against communism. Let history repeat itself. War is not my faith.

Who is more powerful than God?

In the bible it said "God is Love"

Therefore Love is the most powerful weapon we can wield. We must learn this. If war works, than why is it still happening? Why is hatred still so prevelent. The truth is that Love wins even when it looses, that's why Jesus came to earth. We must love muslim, we must love jew, hindu, buhdist, we most love every race, every creed. It sounds broken record, unrealistic, I know. But there can be no more excuse. We as a world are in a state of brokeneness. Let us mend the wounds with the healing power of God. Christ be with us!

In america it has been shown that our collective concious can change. Bigotry is falling away, and freedom's bells are ringing, but greed has become us. We are not hungry, we are lustful. My lust, my hungers too must change. Forgive me father, grace upon all your children.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 04:20:35 GMT

The past six months has been a revolution. I've had hard times and good times and learned alot. I'm living in Richmond again, which I'm happy about. I think the trip to the outer banks really taught me about patience and hope. If you really know me I'm not always the upbeat guy everyone thinks I am. But I've learned to be patient with God's plans, and learning that his love doesn't always me getting my way. I started a new job last monday working at Wyeth Pharmaceuticals as a scientist, so that's definitely taken some worries off my back. I know now that jobs aren't made to make us happy. They're tools to give us the freedom to take time for others. The joy comes in the freedom to be in position to do God's work. My goal for the rest of my life is to really start engaging in helping people. I've been broken of alot of the selfishness I've had in my life for quite some time. It's so easy when you're doing nothing for others to become fixated on your own problems. God is so Good! Every struggle I've experienced in my life has grown me into a better person, and Ihave faith that I will continue to struggle, but without struggle there is no progress. I just want to thank all my friends who've stuck with me in this trial. I love you all and pray God's blessings shower you all your days. I'm single again, but that's well. All things in God's time.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 21:29:08 GMT

Well Well,

I'm back in Richmond searching for my dream job now, working at the country club in the meantime. I'm so happy to be out of the Outer Banks, which felt more like the outer rings of hell. BUT...what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I am resolved to get a good job that I will enjoy. No damned exceptions. No giving up etc. etc. etc.

I'm dating a gal now which I suppose is exciting news. She's an earth science teacher and a trained geologist. How cool is that? Not to mention she has great legs. Anyways I'm not sure where that is going anyways, seeing as how I'm most dedicated to finding my dream job right now. However this girl and I have schloads in common.

Question for folks. Is it unreasonable for a guy to want a girl he's dating to go to church with him now and again? This is becoming more and more important to me. She's a presbo..haha...but is cool with my faith. I guess I just really really want to be catholic....Damn I'm getting too old for this mess.

Anyways all is well here in RVA for the now.

Love you all...Jake!

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 00:57:55 GMT

found this verse on a cool xanga members page...gave me some much needed encouragement

...we boast in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we even boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope, and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy Spirit that has been given to us. - Romans 5:2-5

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Sat, 20 Aug 2005 01:27:29 GMT

I don't cry for myself anymore

I moan, I sleep, I drink with friends

I try to forget the imperfections of my being

I watch the battles of men, I cry

I watch the suffering of the innocent, I cry

I see humanity living lives of sin, I cry

I cry for joy, I cry for peace, I cry for the love of friends , I cry

Why can't I cry for me?

Is that a good thing?

I don't feel above it.....

I am left only to silently lament the numbness of my hopes deferred

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Sat, 20 Aug 2005 00:55:29 GMT

Digging

Between my finger and my thumb
The squat pen rests; as snug as a gun.

Under my window a clean rasping sound
When the spade sinks into gravelly ground:
My father, digging. I look down

Till his straining rump among the flowerbeds
Bends low, comes up twenty years away
Stooping in rhythm through potato drills
Where he was digging.

The coarse boot nestled on the lug, the shaft
Against the inside knee was levered firmly.
He rooted out tall tops, buried the bright edge deep
To scatter new potatoes that we picked
Loving their cool hardness in our hands.

By God, the old man could handle a spade,
Just like his old man.

My grandfather could cut more turf in a day
Than any other man on Toner's bog.
Once I carried him milk in a bottle
Corked sloppily with paper. He straightened up
To drink it, then fell to right away
Nicking and slicing neatly, heaving sods
Over his shoulder, digging down and down
For the good turf. Digging.

The cold smell of potato mold, the squelch and slap
Of soggy peat, the curt cuts of an edge
Through living roots awaken in my head.
But I've no spade to follow men like them.

Between my finger and my thumb
The squat pen rests.
I'll dig with it.

Seamus Heaney

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Tue, 16 Aug 2005 23:20:45 GMT

What difference a few months can make. It seems I've had a little revolution. Since getting to the outer banks I've progressively become poorer and less happy. Intially, things were looking on the up and up, but now I feel as "I'm looking at the world from the bottom of a well".

I remain positive however that I can affect change in my situation in life. I am once again on the prowl for jobs, but this time I won't settle for anything. I'm gonna have the patience to find a job I really can enjoy. In the meantime, everything else is on hold. Although a good make out session would do me well....Ah yessss...sexual frustration.

On the other front, I find that despite the hardships I'm currently presented with, I'm drawing nearer to God, in my desire to hear his will in my life. I'm joing the church choir and becoming motivated to really be a participant not just a go-er to.

In any case, lately I've had the great privelege of getting back to RVA on my weekends and catching up with old friends and such. I feel blessed to have such great friends there. Until later...

Jacob

Friday, May 06, 2005

Fri, 06 May 2005 14:23:26 GMT

Well, my first week living in the outer banks has come to a conclusion. It's friday and the wind is blowing 50 miles an hour with rain. My first Noreaster along the coast. Couldn't work today so that stunk, but otherwise all is going well generally. I've been working construction and enjoying myself for the most part. The guy I drive to work with is a slacker and doesn't get going until 9 or so, so I'm generally stuck at work til 6 or 6:30. If it doesn't change I'll likely start driving myself. Surfs up, but way to choppy. Running about 6 feet overhead in open water. Going to Richmond this weekend, which should be okay. I'm gonna be visiting with family from Ireland and getting the rest of my stuff from my old apt. Cool things...getting tan, and taking off the pounds. I've given up soda..(well one a day) and I'm working on my diet in other ways. So I'm hoping by mid june I'll be in shape for surfing, which will lead to better conditioning. It's cheap in ways down here. Stuff is more expensive in the Outer Banks, but entertainment is almost always free, so long as the weather is good. Oh well, gotta roll....reading to be done.

-Jake

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 11:18:10 GMT

Last full day of work....ahhhhhh

it'll be a doozy...but all I've got to do is get through....

To God be the Glory....he is my peace in this world

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Tue, 26 Apr 2005 12:05:50 GMT

three days to go...and boy will they be doozies...

damned thursday....

oh per Leno....Paris and Nichole no longer friends...

*what a sad day...wa wa*